lets pretend that we can still pretend…

“Eulogy” by The Hereafter.

Let’s pretend that we can still pretend
Let’s pretend that we are young again
I am only looking for a friend
Let’s pretend that we are young again

I drink for all the secrets that you seek
I drink for all the memories you keep
I drink for all the dreams you’ll never dream
I drink for all the planets in between

Believe me when I say I love you dear
Believe me when I tell you not to fear
That autumn morning everything was clear
Believe me when I tell you not to fear

A dollar for the country that I knew
A dollar for an afternoon with you
I know I’ve seen my best days, you’ve seen them too
A dollar for the country that I knew

happy new year :)

happy 2009! i’m back :)

the painter

the painter, originally uploaded by melvinheng.

I keep my paintbrush with me
Wherever I may go,
In case I need to cover up so the real me doesn’t show
I’m so afraid to show you me
Afraid of what you’ll do
You might laugh or say mean things
I’m afraid I might lose you

I’d like to remove my paint coats
To show you the real true me
But I want you to try and understand
I need you to accept what you see
So if you’ll be patient and close your eyes,
I’ll strip off all my coats real slow.
Please understand how much it hurts.
To let the real me show.

Now all my coats are stripped off,
I feel naked,bare, and cold,
And if you still love me with all that you see,
You are my friend as pure as gold.

I need to save my paintbrush, though,
And hold it in my hand,
I wanna keep it handy
In case someone doesn’t understand
So please protect me my dear friend
And thanks for loving me true,
But please let me keep my paintbrush with me
Until I love me, too.

~Bettie B. Youngs

the daily grind

the daily grind, originally uploaded by melvinheng.

Commuter – one who spends his life
In riding to and from his wife;
A man who shaves and takes a train,
And then rides back to shave again.

~E.B. White, “The Commuter,” Poems and Sketches, 1982

do not be anxious

its easy to be carried away with worrying what the future holds. the uncertainty of career, finances, relationships… the roof over your head or the next meal perhaps. will you be happy? will you be contented? would it all be what you hope it would be?

the questions that keep you up at night. the thoughts of failure and of incessant futility. as i sit paralysed by my own fluid and uncertain future, i remember the poem that graced the back cover of countless school magazines..

“And I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year:
Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown.
And he replied: Go out into the darkness and put your hand into the hand of God.
That shall be to you better than light, and safer than a known way”
~ Minnie L. Haskins.

“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?

Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?

And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.

But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?

Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

“Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

the burden i was never to bear

in the las few weeks… i have found myself coming face to face with my past. many have beens, should haves and what ifs have surfaced and opened several boxes in my heart meant to have been stashed away for another time, when courage was present and resolve was clearer. i never choose to open them… i think. but i suppose circumstances have forced my hand and i once again find myself carrying a burden i don’t want to bear anymore.

the good news is that perhaps… perhaps these burdens were never for me to bear anyway… what a relief it will be… reading a chapter from ‘Travelling Light’ by max lucado , i re-examined myself and thought about the stubborness of my ways.. always wanting to fix things by myself… the burden of self reliance.. the times when all i needed to do was to be patient, but i had to take control… all i had to do was apologize, but i had to argue… to let go and let God,yet i took control and made a mess of it.

i always thought that i would be able to fix things… to make tings right… yet i realise the foolishness of my thoughts. i have to let go and let God. to humble myself and let Him be my shepard and I His sheep.

Scars and Souvenirs

People have scars in all sort of unexpected places, like secret road maps of their personal histories, diagrams of their old wounds. Most of our wounds heal leaving nothing behind but a scar but some of them don’t. Some wounds we carry with us everywhere, and though the cut’s long gone, the pain, still lingers.